Help

I am in serious need of suggestions.

Background: Last year my grandmother showed me a sweater that she has started knitting years ago. She asked me if I wanted to finish it. Honest answer: No, but she’s my grandmother, so I agree. However, I wasn’t able to get it and the yarn into my luggage, so I gave it back to her. This year I asked her about it again. I did tell her that I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish the sweater because her gauge was surely looser than mine and it would just turn out wonky. I also didn’t think that I would be able to frog the part she had knit after all that time. It would be too kinky and you would have to wash it which would be a mess. So, I offered to take the rest of the yarn and knit her a stole. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

Ok, the yarn is pink (old Rose). I can live with that. No problem. What I’m having difficulty with is the yarn itself. It’s an acrylic mohair mix. 50/50 if I remember correctly. It. Is. Horrible. Horrible I tell you. Those of you who remember the Barf Scarf (fun yarn that was a real horse’s backside with road apples on top to knit) will understand how bad it is when I tell you that I would really rather be working with sooper fuzzy fun yarn than with this stuff. It feels like plastic. It works like mohair. Tink because you made a mistake? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not in this lifetime! I knit several rows of garter stitch and then tried a lace pattern. After an hour of trying to find a mistake in the first row, I abandoned ship and tried to frog. Note the d on the end of tried. It. Wasn’t. Coming. Apart. It was a bit like it had been welded together by some new sort of super astronautic velcro that would hold Pluto and Mars together if you really thought it necessary that they become a planetary couple. This recognized, I broke off the yarn and threw it away. Obviously a pattern was not going to happen. I’ve since read in Arctic Lace (praise be to Tara for giving that to me) that acrylics aren’t very good lace yarns anyway since they have no pattern memory and revert to their original form when washed. Add this to the mohair fuzz hiding the YOs anyway, and I don’t feel too guilty about abandoning a pattern for a simple garter boarder and stockinet stitch.

Unfortunately, now that I’m back to knitting it, I’ve started to notice how bad this yarn is. I really don’t want to do this project. It’s not fun to knit. It’s not even exciting. I can’t even enjoy the feel of the yarn since I would rather just not have to feel it. So creative on-line people (not that you aren’t people when you’re off-line too, but, you know): How do I get out of this? How do I either tell my grandmother, who obviously liked this yarn because she bought a huge amount of it, that I don’t want to knit it for her? Or should I just have something “happen” to the yarn, and if so, what? Remember, I have 12 skeins of it to dispose of. I could tell her that we had a repeat of the Great Yarn Carnage of 2006 (Left bag with 10-15 skeins of new yarn in it out, and then went to work. The results were not pretty. There were tears and much gnashing of teeth), but then she’ll think I was careless with her prize yarn. I could manage to burn one or two skeins with a candle or something, but not 12. I could also tell her I fainted repetitively while knitting from breathing in the mothball fumes, but what if they never came in contact with mothballs and it’s just my grandmother who smells like that? (Seriously, I smell this yarn and think “grandmother”) Moths? Would moths eat acrylic/mohair? Oh wait, if there were mothballs in there, moths won’t go near it, even if I put up a little sign that says “Free Lunch. Raise Your Larvae Here!!” I’m running out of options. I’m also trying desperately to remember that she’s 86 and won’t be around forever (even though Great Aunt Tia is still steadfastly refusing to visit the afterlife at 101. There are still people on earth to torment, so why bother going to heaven? (Yes, I’m evil, but you haven’t met her. I have. Given the chance, Aunt Tia would have managed to make Mother Teresa break out in a string of expletives.)). I should do what I can for her while I can really. Unfortunately, although it might increase my determination, it does not make it easier for me to knit this thing. What I’d really like to do is go out and buy some fantastic lace weight yarn and knit her a stole that would make her break out in tears of joy when she saw it. Unfortunately, I don’t think that would make her forget the other stuff. *sigh*

Tonight, or maybe tomorrow depending on my mood, I am going to sew Rogue together. Lord I hope this sweater fits and looks good. I’d seriously be disappointed if it didn’t.